Dark Clouds on a Sunny Day

We saw the doctor this morning. I was feeling good and hopeful that the worst was over. My WBC is unchanged at 50k, which was fine. The doctor was very happy with my progress, having come down from 585k and stabilized. However, he was eager to continue with my infusions in combination with the pill I'm taking in order to get my WBC down to normal.

I had thought that the worst was over and was disappointed that I would have more infusions. He had planned four more monthly infusions of Bendamustine, (which kept me bedridden last month for 10 days) and Rituximab (which is so hard for my system to accept that I spike a fever every time they administer it faster than 50 mg/hour). Dr. Halwani was very kind and tried to work around my fears, by giving me a week off before starting up again!

I am not happy! I don't want to wait four more months before I can have a life again! I don't want this ruining the holidays! Today's dark clouds on a sunny backdrop perfectly reflect my mood! I know it will be okay in the end, but facing the near term can be depressing!